Parents Standing In The Gap

Many of you who frequent this blog know that Blake and I are active youth ministry leaders. Blake is a middle-school pastor and I am a Discipleship Coordinator for both middle and high school. We have shared our philosophy of youth ministry in many of our blog posts since we started. In a nutshell, the Bible teaches that parents are the primary disciplers of their children and youth pastors should equip parents to play this role instead of usurping parental authority.

Last night Blake, Steve (our head youth pastor), Joel (our high school director), and myself put our money where our mouth is. We had a discipleship kick-off reception and invited parents and students to come. Our intent was to initiate a Bible study/reading plan and to inform parents of what we expected of them. Going into last night we were short leaders for some of our discipleship groups. So we informed our parents that it was primarily their job and not ours to see that their kids get discipled. We told our parents that we will not exercise a drop-off youth ministry and that we expected them to volunteer to fill in gaps in our leadership team. We raised the bar and God has blessed us for it. We had over 270 parents show up for the meeting, and the vast majority of them instead of chafing at our admonition, became engaged and energized. I would have been happy if only 10 or 20 families had come on board, but God had other plans.

My point is this, had we continued to do youth ministry at the status quo, we would never have seen the overflow of parental support and engagement like we saw last night. If you are a youth pastor and are doing the dog and pony show to keep kids engaged, stop. Stop now. Read Deuteronomy Chapter 6, challenge your parents to fulfill their God-given role, stop running a drop-off youth ministry, place expectations on your parents. If the baseball team, the soccer team, the pta, and all the other groups have expectations of your parents why should we as pastors be any different. If anything we should be at the top of the pecking order because the future of their children hangs in the balance. It's time that we demand that our parents stand in the gap. And the good news is I think that many of them are ready.

Random Musings...

There is so much going on in life right now. So, so much. As I was in the shower this morning I got to thinking about a lot of things. For one, college football begins this weekend. Man, am I thrilled that it is here. I have been consumed by thinking about that, but specifically this morning I was thinking about it because my two oldest sons were decked out in their Alabama hats rehearsing for what will be a great day on Saturday. If you have read this blog for long now, you know my family is my passion and that brought a smile to my face.

But I digress to less important matters. I was also thinking about the church. I do that a lot as well, and quite often what I think about does not bring a smile to my face. Quite often what I think about makes me sad and well, sad covers it.

In my heart I long for the day when the church gets back to being about what the church should be about. I must confess my lack of faith to believe that this will ever happen. I was thinking this morning about a challenge that our pastor had given us as pastors recently. He wants us to be focused more on evangelism. Now this is where it will get dicey for some of you. You won't believe what I say or you'll choose to believe that things are not as they appear in my work environment, and you are entitled to your wrong and flawed opinion.

My pastor wants our church to focus more on helping people understand their need for a savior. He wants us to be a church that is responsible for the advancing of the Gospel. He wants to know that the people in our church care about the fact that their neighbors and family members may be dying without hope of salvation. And he doesn't care if the result of our emphasis on evangelism merits us one more number on our attendance log.

As I sat and listened I was convicted beyond belief. I am not evangelistic at all and to my detriment. Sometimes I like being reformed a little too much. As I sat there that day I realized that if I were honest with my self, part of my problem with the church is with me. I love to sit and write about what all is wrong and talk about how we shouldn't focus on numbers, yada, yada, yada. However as much I talk about that stuff, I need to ask my self "Do I care about people's souls as much as I say so those people don't?"

I pray that God would help us be biblical. That we would care about people as he cares about people. That we would be overcome with the burden that comes with knowing the Savior and knowing that there are more who don't. That we would allow the love of Christ and the winsomeness of the Gospel to show to all we come in contact with. AND that we would be committed to the Great Commission. That we would seek to make disciples, more than to win converts. My hope and my prayer is that the church as a whole, and I mean everyone who is a part of the church, would experience a wake up call. And I pray that it will happen sooner rather than later.

The Path To Sexual "Tolerance".

What precedes sexual tolerance? How does a church, or a family for that matter, go from healthy sexual expression of its members to tolerance of whatever sexual practice society embraces? This question was dealt with poignantly in the latest missive on Dr. Al Mohler's blog. Ever the vigilant religious watchdog, Dr. Mohler gets right to the heart of the problem...

"This process does not start with issues of sexuality, of course. Long before these churches faced controversies over sexuality, they had already allowed the doctrinal foundations of their churches to be eroded and compromised.

In other words, a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on doctrine preceded a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on matters of sexuality."

Now lets take his statements to their logical conclusion. If doctrinal compromise precedes sexual tolerance then logically to avoid sexual tolerance a church or a family should teach its members sound doctrine. So, how good of a job are evangelical families and churches doing at teaching its members sound doctrine. To quote a famous Eight-Ball, "Outlook not so good."

You can't have sound doctrine without practicing the self discipline of Bible study and teaching. This responsibility doesn't just rest on the shoulder of pastors either. Parents you have a command to teach your children sound doctrine regardless of the support of a pastor. This is especially true of fathers. When Paul admonished Timothy in 2 Timothy 4:1-3, he was speaking to a pastor, but aren't fathers the shepherds of their flock at home? Do fathers have any less of a responsibility to follow these words in their homes than pastors do in their churches?

The path to "sexual tolerance" beings at home when fathers abrogate their calling. The path to "sexual tolerance" also begins in the pulpit when a pastor cares more about the opinions of the folks in the pew than the Father in heaven. I hope that before we get too far down the path to "sexual tolerance" that God will ignite a fire in our hearts and we will erect the much needed road-block of sound doctrinal teaching.

A Cry from the Fatherless

“It may be hard for some father’s not to have a son, but it is much harder for a son not to have a father.”- S.D. Gilbert
Three boys. Wow! As of 11 days ago I am the father of three boys. Asher, Caleb and Nathaniel Hickman have me for a dad. Now before you start sending your sympathy wishes to them, let me make one statement. Blake Leslie Hickman will do whatever it takes to make sure those boys know their dad.

Many people see the above quote and automatically assume that it is in reference to single parent homes. Unfortunately, that is not the case. One of the saddest things in our culture is the rate of fatherless homes where the father is still present. One thing that we need to make sure of is that we are not adding to the rise of that rate. Are we making our kids a top priority? Are we being intentional in how we participate in their lives? Are we having conversations with them with no ulterior motives? Are we telling them we love them with no strings attached?

It is an understatement to say that our kids need us involved in their lives. How we are involved means a lot. If you are a father of a daughter, don’t think this lets you off the hook. You could just as easily substitute daughter where you see son in the quote. Trust me. As excited as I am to have three boys, I would have loved to have a daughter. The bottom line is that our kids need us in their lives. They may say and display actions that communicate differently, but they want and need us in their lives. We can’t afford to let this training ground that God has given us go to waste. We need to take action.

Integrity In Church Membership

Integrity as defined by Websters dictionary is a firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic value. I have also heard a colloquial definition of integrity that says integrity is doing the right thing even when no one else is looking. Both of these definitions are sufficient but unfortunately neither of them can be strictly applied to the record keeping of many Southern Baptist churches.

The issue of integrity in church membership has been debated for years in small groups and behind closed doors. It has not, however, seen as much attention (for obvious reasons) like it has recently. Dr. Tom Ascol, pastor, and executive director of Founders Ministries has spearheaded a movement to discuss the issue in Southern Baptist circles. His ill-fated attempt to bring the issue to a vote at the Southern Baptist Convention this past June can be viewed by clicking on this link: SBC Integrity In Membership Video. Unfortunately, Dr. Ascol's resolution in support of church integrity was dead on arrival. Why you might ask? Good question, and frankly, I have no good answer.

What is encouraging, however, is that despite the lack of cooperation on the part of the SBC committee on resolutions, the issue is gaining steam among grassroots Southern Baptists. This issue also made its way into a feature article in the August 07 edition of Christianity Today. The CT article entitled, "Statistical Shell Game" talks about how Southern Baptists have boasted 16 million members when in fact the number is closer to 6 million. I guess we need to beef up our cooperative fund contributions to our SBC colleges for improving the math skills of our future pastors. Anyway you look at it, we need accountability. How can we expect to have a healthy church if half the members on our rolls couldn't even be found by the FBI? Its time for pastors and churches to lovingly practice church discipline and personal integrity no matter what the consequences. If we don't take this seriously then we run the risk of being relegated to the level of the charlatan hucksters that ran Enron into the ground. The time to practice integrity in membership is now!

Churches Live or Die By The Family

It may not come as a shock to many of you, but according to Professor W. Bradford Wilcox at the University of Virginia the success of the church is inseparably tied to the success of the traditional family. The research of Professor Wilcox was featured in Dr. Al Mohler's blog today. The entry can be found by clicking here.

According to Professor Wilcox,

Currently, men are 57 percent less likely to attend church regularly if they are not married with children, compared to men who are married with children. Women are 41 percent less likely to attend church regularly if they are single and childless. Marriage does more than bind a man to one woman; it also ties a man to a local congregation.

If anything this research should be a wake-up call for the church. What are we doing to create an environment that builds strong families. When I examine the weekly schedules of some churches, I have to scratch my head and just wonder what are they thinking. I will never understand how we have been sold on the bill of goods that in order to minister to families we have to separate them, throw activities at them, and condition students to depend on pastors instead of parents for discipleship. Shameful.

I hope that you will take the opportunity to read this article and think about the ramifications. Look at how your church treats its families. Especially take note of how your church treats the families of its pastors. If we wonder why our families in the pews are broken its because the families of many of our pastors are just as broken. We expect our pastors to live at church and minister to our families to the neglect of their own. Pastors, if you are reading this, don't let another week slip by without challenging your families to return to a biblical model. Set the example by arranging your schedule to center around your family first. The family you save may be your own and according to Dr. Mohler and Professor Wilcox you may be saving your church to boot.

Weekend Update:God Definitely Has A Sense Of Humor

I hope you enjoy this video of some not so perfect church experiences. Watch it a couple of times and savor the fact that only a creator with a huge sense of humor could make something as silly as us.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
-Proverbs 17:22

We Have Seen The Enemy, And He Is Us!

It's amazing the unusual sources where wisdom can be found. The Bible obviously is the best source, but I believe that the Lord has a habit of occasionally surprising us by putting wisdom in unusual places. The title of this post actually is a line from the comic strip character Pogo the Possum. Pogo's statement is such a correct and disturbing indictment of whom it is we must fight with all our might.

It was good old Plato who formalized the idea that material things are inferior to spiritual things. In a sense he was right but God created all of us both material and immaterial and to understand how God expects us to live, both must be taken into account. So the fact of the matter is that our spiritual state is not dependent on our physical state but our physical state can and does reflect the state of our spirit. A better way of making this point comes from Proverbs 23:7 where the Psalmist states, "...as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

"Okay, enough with the philosophy, Mike what are you getting at?" I'm glad you asked. The fact of the matter is that the reason why youth ministry suffers trends like 75% of students graduating and not returning has more to do with the state of the hearts of youth pastors than anything else. We as youth pastors and leaders have no one to blame but ourselves. I know this sounds harsh but think with me for a moment.

Everyday a student pastor goes to work; he has to make a decision. This decision is whether or not I am going to follow God's word explicitly or am I just going to do what it takes to pack out the youth room. Don't miss the import of this question because how you answer it says volumes about the state of your heart. If you as a youth pastor or leader are not willing to make tough decisions to do what is right the only alternative is building your kingdom and not God's. And friends I'm here to tell you that even a quick observation of the many youth programs in some of this countries largest churches clearly demonstrate whose kingdom is being built.

So my challenge to all of you pastors out there who read this post, is if you are building your own kingdom, stop. Don't be ashamed, don't feel guilty, just consider this a friendly wake up call and stop. Make it your focus to follow God's word and train parents to disciple their kids. Be happy that your students are more interested in learning from their parents and spending more time with them than they are shouting you on as you stand in front of them and eat goldfish. Build your ministry around principles instead of personalities or activities. Let God's Word be the focus of your teaching ministry. I know this might sound radical but Jesus was a bit radical too and He gives us His blessing to do radical (Luke 6:22-23). Yes we have seen the enemy and he is us, but this enemy can be defeated!

Some Good and Bad News

I came across an article on Friday from the January edition of Relevant magazine. The subtitle of the article is "Why are so many twenty somethings leaving their faith?" With student ministry being the vocation that pays my bills, whenever I see articles that may reflect on the way I did my job, I tend to pay attention.

I will assume that if you are in ministry you have been inundated with the stats of how many students are "divorcing" their faith while away at college. This article uses a stat from some recent Barna research. I've seen numbers listed as high as in the 80%'s, but I tend agree more with Barna's research. I hate stats because they can be manipulated so easily, however Barna usually does a fair job of quantifying his results. For example, he agrees that 80% of students have not maintained the same spiritual fervor while in college that they had in high school, however, his research shows that 61% have completely disengaged with no hope for return.
Before I go any further, let me say that I applaud this magazine's efforts for trying to make people aware of this dangerous trend. As I said earlier, I believe it reflects very poorly on student ministry that upon graduation we lose 60% of our students. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how that isn't good. However, this article still fails to realize where the real problems lie.

#1 This article suggests that student ministry and the church have forsaken relational ministry in favor of a get butts in the seat mentality. Boy do I agree with that, and man have we ever bought into that faulty logic. They suggest that the church return to the model of making disciples and not boosting our numbers. Once again right on. However, they still feel it is solely the church's responsibility to do so.

#2 This article seems to suggest that because the church is so messed up, these 20-somethings need to have a place of refuge apart from the large community of believers. I applaud the intent, but isolation is never a good remedy for what ails us.

My response to these two issues is simple; we must return to the two institutions. It is not solely the church's responsibility to make disciples in regards to students, it is to be a partnership between the church and the family, with the parents being the primary disciplers. Now when the parents aren't available or they abdicate their God given responsibility, the church needs to step in and be primary. However, the reason most parents aren't doing this isn't because they don't want to, it is because they've never been told that it is their job. The reason these kids leave their faith in college is because they have been taught for seven years of student ministry that someone else should be their spiritual hero. We must realize who has the greatest opportunity, both from a time perspective and an interest perspective, to impact these students with the Gospel. Who are these students carving the turkey with on Thanksgiving Day and opening their presents with on Christmas Day? Student ministers must do a better job of equipping parents to train and develop their kids faith.

Second, isolation from the church will not change the church. Is the modern church broken? Yes. However the way to change it is not to divorce yourself from it. If the intent is to help these students see the value of the church, you don't need to separate from it. What happens when these 20-somethings become 30-somethings? Are they going to start another sub-church model to meet their needs?

While I am happy that more and more people are being made aware of the dangers of a faulty student ministry model, I am becoming more aware of the need for encouraging our leaders to think Biblically in their efforts to encourage students to stay true to their faith.

Weekend Update: The Consumer Credit Treadmill

This weekend, many couples are sitting down in front of a pile of bills trying to figure out how to make minimum payments. According to a story published by Bankrate.com, around a quarter of all Americans worry about how to pay off credit card debt. Unfortunately the percentage is not any better among Christian households.

The fact of the matter is that many people go into debt for things that they could just as easily do without. The mental image of having something or being entitled to something drives us to max-out credit cards and make minimum payments hoping that we can eventually pay them off. What we really need is a greater dependence on the Lord and a little self-discipline neither of which can be bought with plastic.

If you are one of those people who are facing a mound of debt take some time this weekend to stop the worry, spend some time recommitting yourself to depending on the Lord, and get some free help from some of the following wonderful resources:

www.daveramsey.com

www.crown.org

A Much Needed Ecumenism

There have been few, if any, successful ecumenical movements in church history. The issue has always been either a strong ecumenism that has doctrinally weak churches or doctrinally strong churches that have a weak ecumenism. In either case the results fall far short of the ideal and nothing good happens. It would take a very rare set of circumstances and a special act on God's part for ecumenism to be desired and fruitful. I for one believe that those circumstances and God's action may be in the process of intersecting.

In the last few years, we have seen the enemies of the gospel rally and strike in unprecedented ways. Evangelical Christianity now finds itself right in the middle of two very formidable foes. On the one front is radical islam with its suicide missions, and koran quoting imams. On the other front, is secular naturalism and atheism spewing forth its evolutionary, politically correct, vitriol with its allies in Hollywood and the media. Satan has positioned his armies well and they are bent on wiping out any vestige of truth and righteousness. What is a believer to do?

Well there are some believers who, in the face of such opposition, have decided that there is strength in unity. They have decided to put aside any disagreement on non-essentials for the purpose of spreading the gospel. Before you begin to think this an effort to water-down truth for unity, think again. The group I am referring to call themselves Together For The Gospel and for once it looks like this might be ecumenism done right. How could you go wrong with men like Mark Dever, Dr. Al Mohler, C.J. Mahaney, and John Piper (just to name a few).

The men cooperating in this effort all come from doctrinally sound churches. They have a stated purpose that's more than just getting together for interfaith karaoke night. And they all hold to a solid, Biblical view of the simple message of the gospel. I am happy to see the success of their efforts and I think that more solid, evangelical churches should support it. I shudder to think how many people walk by and just have a laugh at us Christians who cant even work together to share the gospel because of non-essentials like modes of baptism or style of worship. Its high time for sound, evangelical churches to direct the fight at satan instead of each other.